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Throwing Curve Balls . .

Andrew, my eight year old, was cleared to run and jump again after almost four months! We were very excited to hear this good news. It means that he can be "normal" as he calls it. He can play baseball, do karate, participate in gym class and just be a kid. For those that may not know, Andrew's leg was severely injured in the automobile accident that took Brett from us. He had four surgeries over a twelve day period with one more to go in about six to eight months.

I woke up this morning at 6:45 when my alarm went off and proceeded to hit the snooze button three times before actually getting my rear out of bed. I was extremely tired since I didn't get home until 1:15 a.m. from bunco with my hood girls. I had every intention of leaving at 11:00 until Maureen, Ann and I started talking and needless to say the time got away from us. It was probably a good thing as well since all of us had our share of alcoholic beverages that night. Gotta love bunco.

Ann offered to pick up Andrew for school this morning and to my surprise she was very awake and even going to the gym afterwards! Wow, I told myself to snap out of it and get yourself going. It was going to be a good day. I had to get ready for Andrew's award ceremony. He had no idea that I was heading up to the school in an hour to see him receive, not one, but two awards. It was going to be a great surprise!

I went to the school and sat there as I watched him search the audience of parents to see if I was there. He finally made eye contact and flashed that smile that melts my heart. The first award he received was for loyalty to friends and classmates. The other was for All A's on his report card. I am so proud of him! For a kid that has has his life turned upside down he has truly shown me that he IS strong.

After the awards ceremony I came home and got Danielle ready to go to a local jump/pizza place called the Zone. My little man loved the Zone. It was his all time favorite. I can still here his sweet voice "THE ZONE?? YEAH!!! I LOVE THAT PLACE!" This is Brett at the Zone in September with the class pet, George.
I walked in with my girlfriend Shelly and to my surprise saw Lisa, a teacher from Brett's preschool working the desk. I said "hey" and did some small talk for a minute and then to my surprise again, I saw two moms that I recognized and then saw their children. It was two of the girls from Brett's class. I heard Lisa ask them if they were there for Sam's party and they gleefully replied yes. At that moment it dawned on me that they were there for another one of Brett's classmates. I immediately begin to feel the tears burn my eyes as I asked Lisa "Sam from school?" I looked at Shelly and said "The entire class will be here and Brett won't." The tears begin to fall. My heart hurt. Another "first" that I did not expect.

I excused myself to go out and have a good cry in the car - after all, I couldn't leave as Danielle was looking forward to playing with her friends. That wouldn't be fair to her. I managed to get myself together - or at least I thought I had until I walked into the bounce house area. I sat down and begin to cry again. Some of the preschool mom's walked up to me as they passed out hugs. I said to them "What are the chances that I would be here on this day?" Seriously, I thought, God why are you doing this to me? I ended up having a nice conversation with Janice and Amy and talked about Brett's Blessings and how important it was for children in the hospital to know how special they are.

I made it through the rest of our time at the Zone, came home and put Danielle down for her nap. I was absolutely drained. Physically and emotionally. Just when I think things are good, I get thrown another curve ball. I picked up Andrew and William today from school and brought them back to my house and of course they wanted to play the Wii - their all time favorite thing to do together. Chris got home from a long road trip and he immediately knew something had happened. He put his bag down and was right there to talk about it. Since he was home I took the opportunity to take time for myselfe and go lay down for a while. I ended up taking a three hour nap, something I think my body needed.
I received three phone calls from girlfriends this evening and I guess I am not a very good fake. All three of them know me well enough to ask what was wrong as they could here it in my voice. They all were awesome enough to not keep me on the phone knowing I wasn't up for talking.
While sitting on the couch before hitting the computer tonight, I thought about something Maureen asked me last night or shall I say this morning. She asked if God talks to me. I looked at her and sadly said no. I told her that at times I still think that God is punishing me for something I have done. I know, crazy at it sounds, I do. That is me questioning my faith in Him that I am trying so hard not to do. But maybe he doesn't have to asked talk to me. He can do it through actions. He obviously had me go to the Zone for a reason today. Maybe that was His way of having Brett at that party - through my presence. God works in mysterious ways.


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