It's the day before Thanksgiving. Why is it that Thanksgiving is the day that smacks you in the face and makes you think about why you are grateful. Do you every ask yourself why don't we think about this every day? Now I have to admit, that was me last Thanksgiving. The day that I sat down and thought why I was so thankful. But not any more. I think about my gratitude and my blessings everyday. One of the many lessons I have learned since that dreadful night last December.
So tonight on this Thanksgiving Eve, I thought I would share a few things I am so grateful for:
- God.
- My Life.
- My children.
- My hardworking husband.
- Andrew having his last surgery on Tuesday and that he is finally DONE!
- Raising $1800 to help kick off Brett's Blessings foundation and all the people that helped bake the baked goods.
- Phone calls and text messages to see how my day is going even though it's been almost a year.
- A Safe Place to Heal.
- Journey of Hope
- A friend that got my $700 speedometer repair work done under warranty.
- Old friends that have stuck by me through thick and thin, even though I may be an emotional wreck.
- New friends that don't questions my motives and support me as if they have known me for years.
- Giordani, Swanger, Ripp & Phillips law firm and Cindy Grossman for helping me set up Brett's Blessings foundation and doing it pro bono!
- My neighborhood and the people in it.
- Stonebridge United Methodist Church.
- Facebook - for all the many resources it offers.
My list could go on and on, but then I would be here all night.
I must admit it's hard to be thankful during this holiday because I am still grieving so much and Brett is constantly in my thoughts. The holidays are really tough. The anniversary of Brett's death is soon approaching and Christmas is just around the corner. But what I have realized is that I was given four in a half years of love and joy from my sweet little man. Something that can never be taken from me although he was taken too soon.
So I challenge yourself when you wake up every morning to ask yourself what you are thankful for. Unfortunately, life happens at a blink of an eye. You should cherish the moments - always.
I leave you with this beautiful picture of all three of the kids from last Thanksgiving. So happy and grateful that I have this picture to remember it. Love you Brett. I hope God is saving you a turkey leg.
Christina and I met in the eighth grade when we both started the same junior high. She was from Ontario. Ca and I, from LaVerne, CA. I passed Christina a note asking her to be my 'best friend'. Funny how little girls do things, huh? Little did I know, she really did become my best friend. Who would have ever thought I would be one of "those" women that I heard as a little girl say that they have been friends with someone for over twenty years? Holy crap, that's me!!We have been friends for 21 years! WOW!! Seriously, when I was 12, I thought my world was crumbling because I had to move to a new city and make new friends. I never knew that the path that God was laying for me would bring me such joy for the rest of my life.
Liz and I have been friends for the same amount of time. Liz is Christina's sister. Although I have to admit, when Liz and I first met, we fought like sisters for a couple of years. I think in some ways we are very much alike and that is the reason why we butted heads for so long. But all in all it worked out for the better and here we are.
Together, the three of us have been through a lot. Several broken hearts, drugs, alcohol, fights over a boy, the accident of their uncle, the death of our grandmas, the death of my father, the reunion with my biological father, the moves (Christina to Australia and I to Texas), weddings, pregnancies (six total) and then the death of Brett. Through it all, we have managed to hold on to our friendship no matter what the situation.
I received a phone call from Liz a month ago telling me that Partylite had cancelled their trip to Mexico because of the swine flu. That was the bad news. The good news, that Partylite was paying them for the trip they earned and that Liz and Christina were still going on vacation and taking me with them! WHAT? Are you kidding me? Your paying for me to go on vacation?? I am so in!! And I really needed to get away from it all. The memories, the mound of toys in my dining room, the pictures, the pressure. All of it.
So off to Cancun we go. We left Friday (5/22/09) morning. I flew from DFW on a 9:00 a.m. flight. I knew this was going to be a fabulous trip when I heard the announcer ask everyone at Gates D21 and D22 to stand and clap for our soldiers returning home. We stood and clapped for at least 15 minutes for these brave men and women who risk their lives everyday to protect us. Thank you to them! I sat down and imagined what happy reunions were going to be taking place as they saw their families for the first time in a year.
I arrived in Cancun at 11:45 and proceeded to the Gran Melia Cancun resort. I checked in and when I opened the door I immediately dropped my luggage and went straight to window. To my surprise I saw that we had a balcony with two chaise lounge chairs - SWEET! I stood and looked at the view for 10 minutes. I couldn't believe I was there. Here was part of my view. How awesome is that!
I proceeded to get a few things out and put in the bathroom, hang a few dresses, put my shoes in the closet. And then I decided I am going to get some sun out on the balcony. Changed into my suit, laid out for an hour or so and then decided I needed food. I rang for room service - which I was tickled pink because I have never done it! Even more amazing to get the bill and have it say I owe $0.00!!
Christina and Liz arrived a few hours later and we decided to check things out. But as we went to put the Do Not Disturb Sign on the Door we couldn't help but laugh at it in Spanish. Check it out.
No Molester?? LOL!! From that point on we would say "Did you put the No Molester sign out?" I don't think we will ever call it a Do Not Disturb sign again!
Our first night in Mexico was relaxing. We talked, we laughed, we ate sushi, we drank, we played cards, we laughed some more. Perfect first night.
We slept in the first night, order breakfast in the room and then headed to the pool. We decided we would go into town that night to check out the night life. After an hour long bus ride (because we missed our stop) and a 35 minute walk (we again missed our stop) and a taxi ride (to get to the place we were going) - we ended up at Congo. It was worth the wait. We had a fabulous time! Drinking, dancing, laughing and people watching. Here we are our first night out.
Liz, Christina and I.
After zip lining they took us to a water hole to cool off in a covered jeep. Here we are looking forward to getting wet!
And here we are at the water hole, before getting wet. We got really good at self portraits!
The fourth day, we relaxed by the pool for the entire day. From 9:30 to 6:00. We ate, drank, laughed, swam, drank some more and laughed harder. What a great day! The last night we went out again to Congo, just this time we knew where we were going and it was a quick 10 minute bus ride. We met up with some people we met at the pool bar to have some dinner and a drink before heading out. This was the three of us having a shot - but I can't remember the name of it, but it was good!
Here Liz and I are dancing on the bar with our friends Michelle and Tiffany.
And this is one of the last photos we took together.
Saying goodbye on Wednesday was very emotional for me. I gave them both a big hug and a kiss and started to cry. I got in the van heading back to the airport and asked myself what I did to deserve such great friends. They will forever be my sisters. Luv Ya Like A Sis. Christina and I signed our many letters we wrote to each other in high school this way. Twenty one years later and I still love them like my sisters!
Last night was a restless night for me. I found myself waking up every hour from 3:00 a.m. on. I simply could not get Brett off my mind - even in my sleep.
I went to Andrew's baseball practice last night and was talking to two other baseball mom friends. They both have sons that started tee ball. Their first game is this week. These boys are both four years old. Brett was suppose to be on that team, he was also suppose to have his first tee ball game this week. We had it all figured out last year. Peyton, Derek and Brett were going to be on the same team. They played together at every baseball game their big brothers had. Amy, Kara and I were always looking at them play and of course trying to figure out who hit who or who did what. All three were looking forward to when it was their turn to play on the field. I realized at that moment that my little man was not going to have his turn on the field - at least not where I can see it. I silently cried on the way home so Andrew didn't notice and I cried on my way to my friend's house for an evening out with the girls.
I manage to contain myself before heading into Marta's house - after all I didn't want to damper the evening. I even thought about cancelling, but thought a night out would help and it did for a few hours. I had a great time with some old and new found friends. We ate, laughed, drank, laughed, played Wii fit (wow that hula hooping really works those abs!) and laughed some more. One of my best girlfriends Meredith even took a road trip with Michelle to Walgreens to get a Baby Gender test and it said a GIRL. We are so hoping that test is right! Only two more weeks Mere until the ultrasound!
When I left Marta's house around 11:30 p.m., I found myself thinking about Brett's baseball team that he will never be on. How is this fair? I still ask myself "why me"? Why my Brett? I have so many questions and no answers. I am so frustrated!
I got home, went to the computer and pulled up this picture. This is a picture that I took on the way home from California from the airplane window. You see, I wasn't suppose to be on this 6:45 a.m. flight. I took an early flight home because Andrew was sick. I think this was something that God wanted me to see. This is Brett's view from heaven:
What a beautiful view. This in some strange way gives me just a little bit of peace. One day, my little man, I will be walking with you again and holding your sweet little hand. Mommy loves you.
Last night I went to the movies with Lisa, Meredith, Becky and Christie - four of some truly amazing women I am proud to call my friends. So usually we all trust each other instincts fairly well, especially when it comes to our Girls Night Outs. So I decided that I was up for something a little different. Not the typically comedy, love story kind of movie, something a little more suspenseful, a drama.
So I logged on to the Allen Cinemark website and see the movie "Last House on the Left". It looked good in the quick preview I had seen and it sounded like what I wanted - something different. Send out an e-mail, everyone is cool with the movie choice. Great!
Meet up at Starbucks at 8:15, talk the two hours away over memories, kids, husbands, stress, etc. - you know what we are good at - talking! We go to the theatre, buy our tickets, get our snacks, hit the potty (yeah you can tell I am a mommy) and sit down. Well as we are sitting there watching the previews and almost every single preview was a horror flick that was coming soon. I looked at the girls and said "This did not say it was a horror flick." We all had this worried look on our face. The girls were wondering what I had gotten them into and frankly I was thinking the same thing myself.
So the movie starts with a car accident coming from absolutely no where. And if you know me or have read my first blog, this is not a good site and/or sound for me to experience not even in a movie. I quickly covered my eyes as my girlfriends' eyes immediately went to me and asked if I was ok and wanted to go. Needless to say the scene was horrific and was very graphic. My eyes continued to be covered until the girls gave the go ahead to look. I decided I was fine and was going to continue to watch on - after all how much worse could it get. Let me just tell you without the details, it got ten times worse. The plot in itself was a good storyline (girl gets kidnapped and raped, left for dead, goes back to her parents house and her parents get the ultimate revenge). The one problem - it was extremely graphic!! Awful! I think they need to be more descriptive on those movie summaries.
After the movie, we all just sat in our seats and were like "Wow, what did we just watch." I was put on MOVIE PICKING PROBATION UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE as we stood outside the theatre and talked for another thirty minutes!! Sorry girls! But all in all we had a great night and I am sure that I have been forgiven by now - that's what friends are for.
Andrew left to go on a quick road trip with Chris to Southern Texas before the end of his Spring Break. They left at like 5:00 a.m. - although don't quote me because I was not awake enough to see the clock - all I could think was thank goodness I don't have to get up.
I rolled out of bed at about 7:40 a.m. to the sweet sounds of Danielle yelling "Mommy come get me out!" So it really wasn't that sweet since she was screaming, but hey you know what I mean. I got her breakfast, sat on the couch with my large morning coffee and sat and listened. My house was way too quite. I only had one child at home, which was one of my many "firsts". This was Andrew's first trip with his dad since the accident so all the other trips Andrew went on I had Danielle and Brett. Now for most moms, this would be pure pleasure, but for me not so much.
So I was grateful that I had invited my friend, Becky to bring her daughters Chloe and her new baby Laken over for a visit. It will help occupy my time as well as Danielle's. The day started out great. Becky and I have really not had much time for visiting since December so it was a great time to catch up. We somehow managed to talk about clothing for our kids - after all isn't it always about them? So I took her upstairs to show her some clothes I have bought for Danielle. Well of course, Danielle decided to take a poop just as we were settling in upstairs. I told her to go downstairs and get a diaper and the wipes. And this is what I she came with:
Yep, the powder and it was everywhere! Becky and I could not help but laugh out loud. Danielle of course started to laugh and shake the powder some more. I quickly ran downstairs to grab my camera, because after all this was a kodak moment. Danielle followed me downstairs and I was still able to grab a shot of this mess. Sometimes you have to laugh. The girls managed to get into their girly girl outfits and after FIVE pictures we finally got a cute pic with them both looking all ready for their party in the playroom.
I have realized after four hours of this happening that Dani didn't mean it. It was an accident. Although it looks like this now, my girlfriends that bought me this beautiful bench are looking into what the person whom they bought it from can do for me. Worse case scenario, I will buy another one.
