I started my day out pretty slow, woke up around 9:30 and laid in bed until my phone rang and it was my girlfriend and we were going over the plan for the day. We decided to head to another friend's house to go swimming and just relax and enjoy the sun.
As with many things, I walked into my friend's house and instantly thought of Brett. The last time I was at Lisa's house was with Brett. I could see him everywhere. Lisa has a little boy that is the same age as Brett, so I of course look at him and analyze everything he does and know that Brett would be doing the same thing. The silly jokes, what he says, how he moves, how he acts.
It wasn't until today that I saw how much Andrew needed his brother. Teh boys were playing all day together. Video games, jumping on the trampoline, different dives in the water, the "let's see who can get who in the water first" game. It hit me all at once and this sadness came over me and I have not been able to let it go. Brett should be here doing these things with Andrew. Being that little brother that Andrew wanted so badly and now will never get back. It make me so emotional and sad and yes, angry. I just don't understand why this has happened to us.
So today, Andrew came up to me with this sad look on his face and said "Mom, if you don't want me around . . ." I cut him off before he could continue. I said "What? Honey what are you talking about." He said that he had overheard me ask Chris "when are you coming to pick him up"? I had to explain to him that I was asking his dad when he was going to be home to take him on the trip because he was wanting to do something every minute of the day. A trip would help with his boredom. I told him that I always wanted him around and NEVER wanted him to go any where. He smiled and said ok with a kiss and a hug. It's amazing what little ears hear.
Love you big boy! (Andrew's nickname since he was a baby.) The picture below is a self portrait from a week ago.
Andrew, my eight year old, was cleared to run and jump again after almost four months! We were very excited to hear this good news. It means that he can be "normal" as he calls it. He can play baseball, do karate, participate in gym class and just be a kid. For those that may not know, Andrew's leg was severely injured in the automobile accident that took Brett from us. He had four surgeries over a twelve day period with one more to go in about six to eight months.
I woke up this morning at 6:45 when my alarm went off and proceeded to hit the snooze button three times before actually getting my rear out of bed. I was extremely tired since I didn't get home until 1:15 a.m. from bunco with my hood girls. I had every intention of leaving at 11:00 until Maureen, Ann and I started talking and needless to say the time got away from us. It was probably a good thing as well since all of us had our share of alcoholic beverages that night. Gotta love bunco.
Ann offered to pick up Andrew for school this morning and to my surprise she was very awake and even going to the gym afterwards! Wow, I told myself to snap out of it and get yourself going. It was going to be a good day. I had to get ready for Andrew's award ceremony. He had no idea that I was heading up to the school in an hour to see him receive, not one, but two awards. It was going to be a great surprise!
I went to the school and sat there as I watched him search the audience of parents to see if I was there. He finally made eye contact and flashed that smile that melts my heart. The first award he received was for loyalty to friends and classmates. The other was for All A's on his report card. I am so proud of him! For a kid that has has his life turned upside down he has truly shown me that he IS strong.
I excused myself to go out and have a good cry in the car - after all, I couldn't leave as Danielle was looking forward to playing with her friends. That wouldn't be fair to her. I managed to get myself together - or at least I thought I had until I walked into the bounce house area. I sat down and begin to cry again. Some of the preschool mom's walked up to me as they passed out hugs. I said to them "What are the chances that I would be here on this day?" Seriously, I thought, God why are you doing this to me? I ended up having a nice conversation with Janice and Amy and talked about Brett's Blessings and how important it was for children in the hospital to know how special they are.
I made it through the rest of our time at the Zone, came home and put Danielle down for her nap. I was absolutely drained. Physically and emotionally. Just when I think things are good, I get thrown another curve ball. I picked up Andrew and William today from school and brought them back to my house and of course they wanted to play the Wii - their all time favorite thing to do together. Chris got home from a long road trip and he immediately knew something had happened. He put his bag down and was right there to talk about it. Since he was home I took the opportunity to take time for myselfe and go lay down for a while. I ended up taking a three hour nap, something I think my body needed.
