Mommy's Little Man

Today is April 17, 2009. Brett would have been 5 today. I woke up this morning and immediately started to cry. This is THE most difficult day I have yet to experience.

My day was suppose to go like this - friends meet at my house at 11:00 a.m., go to the cemetery, proceed to lunch. How did my day really go? Well the good old Texas weather messed up my plan and everyone knows that I don't like when something doesn't go exactly as planned. I feel like I fail. The rain started to fall about 10:45 a.m. and it was pouring buckets. My girlfriends and their kids hung around my house for about 45 minutes in hopes of the rain passing. We were out of luck - it just seem to rain even more.

Plan B in effect. I decided we would go to lunch first and then head to the cemetery. We went to Cotton Patch, which seems to become a favorite of mine and Mom's (Eileen). The place was packed, but fortunately we were able to get tables. We enjoyed our lunch and left about 1:40 with the rain still falling and the wind blowing about 40 mph. I was going to the cemetery and nothing was going to stop me - not even mother nature.

Just as we got to the cemetery and bought our flowers, the rain stopped and the winds died down. Someone was watching over us. It was an unexplainable feeling to be at my son's grave on his birthday and what was even more surreal is I was there at the time he was born - 2:03 p.m. We cried. We laughed. We prayed.

I was told by a friend to make sure that I take time to myself today to remember my sweet boy, this would be my only "first" birthday. I did just that. As everyone left I had time to talk to Brett - mother to son. I knelt beside Brett's headstone and sang him Happy Birthday and told him how very much I love him and miss him as I felt his pictures on his stone.

My heart breaks today - again. My life is like a roller coaster and I am waiting for the day that I can get off of the ride. It might be a long ride.

As I sign off today, I thought it would be nice to share some pictures of Brett from his 4th birthday. Happy Birthday Baby, I Love You!


This is Brett at his favorite pizza place, Peter Piper Pizza. He had his party here.

And here is My Little Man and I enjoying his special day.