As I woke up on this morning I wasn't thinking of myself. Mother's Day for me usually goes like this: Go to the mall, take the time to try on some clothes, do a little window shopping, have some lunch, do a little more shopping, maybe buy something and most importantly do it without the kids. After all, I deserve that one day out of the year, right?
But that's not what I was thinking this morning. The thought of another dreaded "first" flooded my head. My first Mother's Day - minus one. Minus one of my beautiful children. Minus my little man. My Brett. I think today I actually understood what Mother's Day actually is. It is a day to celebrate all the good and the bad that come with being a mother. Not all Mother's Days go as planned.
I talked with one friend today that was struggling to keep her daughter's fever down, a fever she has had since Friday. I talked to another friend that took her son into an urgent care because she was up all night with him because he had croup. I saw another friend today that held her daughter close because she was sore from a surgery she had on Thursday. I saw another friend that cradled her daughter in her hospital room because she had been vomiting and had diarrhea for three days and was extremely dehydrated. Yes, this is what being a mother is all about. To protect them. To hold them. To kiss them. To be the one person they can trust to be there for them no matter what the cost. Did they plan their Mother's Day to go the way they did? Nope, but things change at the blink of an eye.
Obviously this is not a day I ever envisioned myself having. Was it hard? Extremely. Was it hard on Chris to not be able to be here for me today. Most definitely. Did I had that void? Just like every other day, just more so. Did I cry - when do I not? Was it a typical Mother's Day - absolutely not. But what I learned from my "first" Mother's Day without Brett is this: Every mother should be grateful to be called Mommy. It is the most important job we will ever do in our entire lives. Children are blessings. The most precious gift any of us will ever receive. Cherish them every day because you just don't know how long you will have it. I was blessed for four years with Brett. My little man. And yes, he still called me Mommy.
This was our traditional Mother's Day photo taken today:
And in honor of my little man, this was our Mother's Day photo last year: