Remember My Little Man
Brett Alexander Burdick
One year ago (yesterday) I lost my beloved little man. Brett became my guardian angel. It is truly hard to believe that a year has come and gone and that I have survived it. Has it been easy, absolutely not. Do I ache for my son every day? Yes. How did I do it? I pushed through one day at a time with no expectations for myself. I didn't look to far ahead and sometimes planned things at the last minute, something that is not one of my characteristics, but maybe this is part of the 'new' me.
When you lose a child, your entire world turns upside down, inside out. You feel as if your heart cannot break any further and at many times you feel as if it no longer beats inside you. Your world stands still and you really wonder if you are in a dream, no, make that a nightmare, that you can't wake up from. You tell yourself that if you could just have those few days back before everything went so terribly wrong, you would take them and never go forward.
Brett last few days with us were great. He left us with some great memories. On Friday, we took family pictures outside in a cold, brisk 40 degrees. I was determined we were going to get a good shot of all of us since Chris was home to enjoy in the 'fun'. The kids were troopers through it all. Jackets on, jackets off, 'stop smiling like that', look at the camera, no fake smiles - yeah you get the idea. They were greatly rewarded with Little Ceasar's pizza and hot bread sticks. To them it made it all worth it! Saturday, we went to see Santa and see two live reindeer's and take family pictures in front of a huge Christmas tree and a few haystacks that kids just had to sit on.
Later that night we took a drive up the 75 at exit 68 to see a fantastic display of moving Christmas lights where were drove through for about half an hour. The kids ooh'd and ahh'd over the many displays. (The pictures which are still in my phone because I can't bring myself to delete them.)
Sunday, we spent the majority of the day with Chris before he headed back out on the road. While Chris left for Waco, the kids and I went to a birthday party for one of my closest friend's daughter. Brett played, jumped, laughed and had a great time with his friends. On the way home Brett told me what a fun time he had at the party and told me he loved me. That was the last words he would ever say. He fell asleep in the car to wake up in heaven with our Heavenly Father.
So as I remember my little man today, I would like to share just a few things that make me smile when I think of him:
- he had a smile that could melt a heart
- he had a great big laugh
- he was a great cuddle bug
- he would come down stairs after his nap and say "Look who's up!"
- he would come into my bedroom at 2:00 a.m. and say he couldn't sleep, only to crawl into my bed and be asleep five minutes later
- he loved all his friends and his play dates
- he loved school and his favorite part being the playground and computers
- he was so smart
- he said when he grew up he "wanted to be like his brother"
- he couldn't go to bed or nap without his lamb and blankee (both he had since being born)
- he had a big heart
- and most of all he loved life!
- and most of all he loved life!
Brett, I love you baby. You are always in my heart and you will never be forgotten.